The episode begins with Homer anticipating the new XFL season before Marge tells him that the league has folded, which she hears from the league's MVP, who now works at her hair salon. The Simpson family then gets a phone call from Grampa Simpson's retirement home saying that he is dead. When the family arrives he informs them the home got it wrong and Grampa is still alive. A beautiful new woman named Zelda moves into his retirement home. Grampa is determined to win her love over Zack, the youthful owner of a minivan. After renewing his driver's license (which Patty quickly gave to him in return that he would not wink at her again), Grampa convinces Homer to let him borrow the car to romance her. Although he impresses the new old gal, Homer and Marge think she is a hoochie and only likes Grampa because he can drive. After he crashes Homer's car in a death race with the Souvenir Jackitos, a rival seniors gang, Homer gets particularly livid with Grampa and takes his keys away, forbidding him to drive ever again. Zelda informs Grampa that she got them tickets to Branson, Missouri but when he tells her he does not have a car Zelda leaves with Zack and his minivan.
Grampa steals Marge's car and "kidnaps" Bart, taking him on the road to Branson, Missouri to win back Zelda. When realizing that Grandpa and Bart are heading to Branson, Homer, Marge, Lisa, and Maggie, take a bus there. However they end up not in Branson, Missouri, but Bronson, Missouri (where everyone in town looks and talks like Charles Bronson). Ray Jay Johnson, Mr. T, Charo, Yakov Smirnoff, Charlie Callas, Bonnie Franklin and Adrian Zmed are the stars of the show in Branson they go to see. (Tennessee Ernie Ford is backstage, but crumbles to dust when Grampa proves he is dead by showing the deceased singer his obituary.) Grampa calls out to his lady from on-stage, but then denounces her in front of everyone, who then call her (in a chant) a hoochie, sending her fleeing off the stage in tears. Grampa then reconciles with Homer.