Selma gives Mr. Burns his driving test to replace his old license, which expired in 1909. During the test, she experiences a hot flash and is taken to the hospital. Dr. Hibbert tells her that she is experiencing menopause by using a video featuring Robert Wagner explaining what menopause is and what it means for a woman. Selma is upset that her chances at getting pregnant and having kids are gone. Patty suggests that she adopt a child. She almost manages to adopt one of Cletus' many babies, but that fails. Lisa advises Selma to adopt a child from China. In order to adopt a baby from China, Selma has to be married and she puts on her application that she's married to Homer Simpson.
Selma sponsors a trip to China for the Simpsons. When Selma informs Homer that he must pretend to be her husband, he is shocked by this and refuses to help her. Homer later decides to do it for Marge. When they arrive in China, Selma claims Bart and Lisa are her children, while Marge is their nanny, ″Ms. October.″ The Chinese adoption agent, Madam Wu, tells them they will get a baby in a few days, as she wants to detail the "marriage relationship" between Homer and Selma (much to both Homer and Selma's dismay). Selma eventually gets a daughter, whom she names Ling. However, following the adoption, the ruse is quickly revealed when Madam Wu catches Homer and Marge talking about the false marriage and kissing through a painting.
As they are about to leave, Madam Wu arrives and takes Ling away, stating that Homer and Selma are not married. As the Simpsons try to console her, Lisa plots with them to get the baby back. At the nursery, they dress and spray-paint Homer to look like a cross-legged golden Buddha statue. According to the customs of feng shui, the Buddha statue must be taken indoors, so Chinese guards drag him into the nursery. When the guards leave, Homer goes inside the nursery and grabs Ling.
The Simpsons, Selma and Ling pass through Tiananmen Square, a place where, according to the marker shown in the episode, "nothing happened" in 1989. Madam Wu, in a tank, confronts them and demands the baby back in a way similar to the tanks confronting the Tank Man. After an impassioned speech from Selma and Homer, Madam Wu agrees to allow Selma to adopt Ling as a single parent---her leniency stemming from the fact that when she herself was just a baby, her father choked to death on a Ping-Pong ball the day before the Heimlich maneuver was invented, and her mother had ultimately raised her as a single parent. Madam Wu also stops Homer from smuggling a panda cub in his luggage.
The family also visits the mummified body of Mao Zedong. Homer likens his corpse to a "little angel who killed 50 million people."
Selma and her new daughter, Ling, and the Simpsons depart China by junk except for Bart, who is replaced by a Chinese child spy masquerading as him to deceive Homer. The episode ends with three dragons flying in the sky and singing while playing an erhu.