19 A Fish Called Selma

Chief Wiggum pulls Troy McClure over for dangerous driving. Not wishing to be required to wear his glasses while driving, Troy goes to the DMV to get his license changed to remove the requirement. He offers to take DMV employee Selma Bouvier to dinner if she lets him pass the eye test, to which she agrees. After dinner, photographers notice Troy leaving with a human woman (rumors about a sexual abnormality concerning fish had essentially destroyed Troy's career) and the story hits the news. The next day, Troy's agent, MacArthur Parker, calls and says that he can get work again if he continues seeing Selma. Troy continues to date her and his career begins to recover. On his agent's advice, Troy asks Selma to marry him; overjoyed, she agrees.

The night before the wedding, a drunk Troy tells Homer the reason for his marriage: he doesn't really love Selma, and he just plans to use her as a sham wife to help further his career. Although Homer fails to act, Marge and Patty try to explain it to Selma, who accuses them of just being envious. She confronts Troy, who shamelessly admits that their marriage is a sham. Troy explains to Selma that even though their marriage is a sham, she has everything she could want and will be "the envy of every other sham wife in town". Selma has doubts, but accepts the situation because she fears being alone. Parker thinks he can get Troy the part of McBain's sidekick in McBain IV: Fatal Discharge, but concludes he will have a better chance if he has a family. Troy and Selma try to conceive a child, but neither feels comfortable with their situation, and Selma finally leaves after deciding that bringing a child into a loveless family is wrong. Troy turns down the role of McBain's sidekick to direct and star in his own film, The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel.

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